Invisible women
For one reason or another I have been thinking about women. From the macro – women in our society and how they are perceived to the micro of how women present in the counselling room and what brings them there.
The term ‘invisible women’ has been bandied round for a while to describe the collective feeling for how women, especially of a certain age (over 45) seem to blend more into the background, become less seen, less relevant.
Currently the focus on this age group it is to look at the lack of provision and understanding around the menopause. How the medical profession and work institutions do not cater to this huge physical and emotional change in women’s lives.
Caroline Criado Perez wrote a meticulously researched book called ‘Invisible Women’ which outlines how the world in which we live is built for men, from seatbelts to public toilets. Then there has been the outing of sexism in the #metoo campaign, the horror of the Epstein Files. Plus there has been a continuing fight for equal pay (which started in the 1970’s with no end in sight) and the recognition of women in the workplace.
It has made me reflect on how women carry this within them. How making themselves fit into a society that ignores them, treats them unfairly or is not built for them, lands with them.
Does this manifest as anxiety or stress?
How much of this political or social comment and influence become personal? Does it weave its way into our views and judgements of ourselves, so that we find ourselves wanting or lacking in something?
I use the term 'we' as I am a woman of a ‘certain age’ and therefore not immune to any of the social or political pressures that befall or affect women. As a therapist however, I am better placed to reflect more and maybe understand it.
Within psychology and counselling there are ‘Lifespan’ theories which are used presumably as a way of assessing and informing where an individual may be on their life’s journey. One of the main theorists, Erik Erikson, formulated 8 stages of ‘ego development’ from infancy to old age with each stage representing a choice or a crisis.
I have worked with young women (under 25) who are struggling with identity of who they are, fitting in and how to be. This is juxtaposed with more mature clients (over 50) who present with similar anxieties of who they are, fitting in etc. Only for them, this is after feeling that they have had many roles - both professional and domestic. Wife or partner, mother, daughter, sister, carer, manager, and any other labels attributed to them through their professional career.
I have been struck as to whether this anxiety is something that is present throughout these women’s lives? Or does it flare up at transitional times – such as transition into adulthood or transition into middle age?
Putting themselves first with an important question
One of the criticisms about Erikson’s theory is that it is based on the male experience and not women’s. Women’s self-development it can be argued, gets delayed due to the nurturing the (majority) of women do for partners and children as well as elderly parents.
We could see that women only really start to identify their own needs in much later life, if at all. This adds to the idea that women are somehow in the background not only in society but in their own lives.
But there is also a similar narrative that runs throughout all the female clients I work with. That they come second in any life they have – be it in personal relationships, friendships, family or work. There is a common theme of not putting themselves first or having their needs met. In fact the question of ‘what do I want’ can prove impossible to answer.
The therapeutic hour once a week, to start to unpick this question, can be the first time a lot of women are at the forefront and the most visible they have been for a long time.